This week was 7 months since you got your wings. I am honored and humbled your family has asked me to be there. Your family is wonderful and gracious and pure Americans. I am so happy I’ve been able to get to know them, but I’m so extremely sad it’s because you’re no longer here.
I was able to share your story as I know it to be true, the last couple months of your life, and what has happened since. All in my effort to honor you and your extraordinary life.
I want to speak, I want to share your story with the world. I’m really not a huge fan of Facebook at all, but I don’t know what better platform at this time.
I’ve been told this briefing is part of the process. But it’s not a process for me. There isn’t a cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all answer or solution to suicide, and there shouldn’t be. Every life is unique. And this is your life. This is your family’s life. This is my life. You no longer being alive is a deep rooted part of my life that will never change.
I have more questions each day, and even fewer answers. But it is the wrestling with those questions in my mind that will make me a better person, and I hope and even better leader.
I exist to make the world a better place. A better place for those vulnerable and underserved. A better place for America’s sons and daughters. A better place for you.
However, we can only affect what is within our control. One of my biggest challenges is accepting that I can’t affect everything I want to, no matter how hard I try. We can do our damndest to create the best environment we can, but that can only extend so far, for so long.
Then there’s the double-edged sword - the more rank you have, the more you are able to affect. Negatively and positively. So, this is my charge, in honor of Tyler:
Despite how the Army evaluates and promotes - TAKE CARE OF YOUR PEOPLE. Talk less, listen more. Ask questions, understand the answers. If someone’s performance is slipping, ask them why, help them through. Have fewer meetings, exchange for time full of meaningful conversation. Slow down, white space is a good thing. Get out from behind your desk and computer and iPhone. Stop emailing guidance and direction and intent, communicate that face-to-face, and allow for that feedback loop to happen in person. Know people’s personal goals, create an environment in which they can achieve them. Surround yourself with people who are smarter than you, you don’t have to be the smartest person in the room. Allow people to make mistakes, it’s how we learn. Don’t demand perfection, we are hard enough on ourselves. Listen to feedback, we all have room for improvement. Treat others the way they deserve to be treated, not how you want to be treated. Be the leader you wish you had, and a better leader than the best you’ve had. Be understanding. Be humble. Be present. Be kind.
America expects wholesome, honest, caring leaders - and our Soldiers deserve it.
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